I wish I was a consistent writer. Yes, yes, I know that it’s a matter of discipline and practice, not wishing...but it’s precisely because I am undisciplined that I resort to wishing.
Thankfully, one of the steps I did take towards making this wish a greater possibility has borne good fruit.
Three years ago, I got an email from Lisa Rubin, artistic director at the Segal Centre, inviting me to sing in the Blame Canada edition of Broadway Cafe. This concert, featuring Canadian musical theatre content, had previously been produced in other cities (see fellow classmate Sara Wunsch’s article on the concert!), and I was delighted to take part along with several other talented performers.
Subsequent to that performance I was asked to perform in a concert of the same name at 54 Below in New York City, which I wrote about here.
At the time of the Montreal concert, I pestered Landon Braverman about how I might start the Canadian Musical Theatre Writers’ Collective Workshop in Montreal, a class which had run in both Toronto and Vancouver. He told me we would need at least 12 people to run the class, and someone to teach it. I suggested Jonathan Monro as a teacher, and after that, I set about finding the other 11 would be apostles of Montreal Broadway musical writing. 🙂 We spent the last two years together learning about structuring musicals, lyric writing, story elements, but more importantly, about how to support each other constructively.
Cut to Mon Aug 31st, when we presented our group’s year end showcase online, as featured here in Broadway World! Should you be so inclined, you can watch the entire showcase here:
My classmates all put forth excellent, creative work from the musicals they are developing, and the night felt very joyful.
As for myself, I was fortunate to have my songs presented by two wonderful artists. Both Petrina Bromley, and Marie-Pierre de Brienne went above and beyond with their performances of my work. I didn’t see anything ahead of time so it was delightful to be surprised at the same time as the rest of the audience.
My piece, Cougar Town, (arranged by Doug Price), wherein a middle aged music teacher wrestles with her conflicted feelings for her 20 year old student, opened the evening, which you can see here:
The second song, Hylas, (piano arrangement by Benjamin Kwong, track orchestrated by Jonathan Monro), was originally written as a stand alone folk song, but when I brought it to one of our classes, I was encouraged to consider it for the song cycle I was working on.
The name Hylas is that of Heracles' (the Roman Hercules) companion and servant in classical mythology. Described by the poet Theocritus as a boy “whose hair hung down in curls”, he was abducted by water nymphs due to his beauty and it is said that he decided to remain with them "to share their power and their love."
This story was a frequent subject of paintings for British artists in the 19th and early 20th centuries:
Last fall, I happened to meet someone whose look was similar to that of other paintings in this era and he ended up being my inspiration for the song. In this piece, an older woman attempts to convince her younger, casual lover to commit to a relationship or risk losing what she considers to be her last chance at love.
You can see Marie Pierre’s beautiful interpretation of it here:
My plan is to eventually record the song myself with a music video. I even have a dream photographer in mind: Candice Ghai...anyone want to fly her to me, or me to her? 🙂
Our happy band of writers has decided to continue on as a collective and I'm so grateful for their presence. Meanwhile, a new cohort of creators will begin the year one class this fall, this time offered in both English and French, with Virginie Daigle joining Jonathan to teach. If you are interested in joining the class in the future, feel free to reach out to me and I can put you in touch!
Would love to hear your feedback on the songs! (I eventually hope to post the sheet music here for sale but if you are interested in it before it is available, let me know and we can make an arrangement by email).
Keep creating, dear fellow humans. This pandemic may filled with precarity, but beauty is both a balm and an antidote in this very odd time.
"The feminine is that which receives inspiration, grace, life, holds it within the body, and gives it existence. Woman is the receiver through whom God transmits the life-giving signal of His love into the world. The mediatrix. The medium in His will made manifest...She is child-bearer, certainly, but also the bearer of artistic works, political hopes, new ideas, healing knowledge, community histories, loves and remembrances treasured in the heart."
- Melinda Selmys, Mysteries You Learned Disguised
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was in the beginning with God; 3 all things were made through him, and without him was not anything made that was made." John 1:1-3
From the beginning, the Word had me. Words had me. That Word was made flesh and dwelt amongst me and my loved ones, pouring Himself out through the hands of my mother and father, their daily acts of sacrifice writing the first love story I learned.
It wasn't long before I too, wrote stories, took words and made them flesh, let them ring out in song, or move and have their being onstage, or messily wrestle with eternity on pages that ended up in the pockets of friends and family. Worlds born from the womb of my mind and heart spun into others' orbits, depositing seeds and debris, to my delight and dismay, respectively.
Without knowing it, I was imitating the life of Mary, the first word-bearer, the Woman whose "Yes" undid Eve's "No".
To say yes to the love story of God, to carry Him – and thus, others, as He is always in the least of these - is to open oneself to the life abundant, replete with both joy and suffering. Maddeningly, the two are often intertwined. Your children will drive you insane, yet are the ones who make you laugh the most. The works you sweat over will twist your hands with arthritis, roughen your fingers, fatigue your muscles, wear your joints, and break your heart.
As both a subject and co-author in the love story of my life, I have noticed that there is really no getting away from such labour pains. I can prepare well, rest adequately, put a thousand plans of prevention in place, but there will always be interruptions, demands from others, my own character faults and the pesky fact that I am not God, and so I cannot see all I wish I could. The narrative I would love to run with gets resisted by reality and of course, I then rail against the unfairness of it all. And yet, if I direct my work towards the good, true and the beautiful, it becomes the means through which the Potter moulds me into a work of art.
At least, I hope so. This is the story I have learned to tell myself because my CV doesn’t tell the story I wished it did. When I was younger, I dreamed of Broadway, of being a working singer, of continuing to be a favourite amongst the powers that be. (It never occurred to me that some of those whom I hoped to please would not necessarily be like the teachers I had who had championed me, but more like the highschool peers whose cliques were closed to those who failed popularity contests, based on ever elusive criteria.) I never cared much about riches so living simply was never a great shock or burden, but the one story that didn’t exist in my mind was one of my life ending up, well, average, or one where career success wasn’t primary.
Over time, I’ve adjusted. I quietly said goodbye to Broadway in my heart, to being any kind of name, and simply focused on artistic and personal integrity: that is a story I can always trust myself to tell, or, at least it is what I attempt to return to when lost. Every once in awhile, I’m permitted a glimpse of the fruit of those efforts, investments in things which seem to call to me. Those things never seem particularly business savvy or something destined to move me up any known ladder of success...but they always seem urgent and necessary.
Such a glimpse came this past Sunday evening, on Mother’s Day, at the year end showcase for the inaugural Canadian Musical Theatre Writers’ Collective Montreal Writers’ Workshop. A year and a half ago, I had approached Landon Braverman during the CMTWC Blame Canada Montreal concert, asking him how many people I would need to run the writers’ workshop in Montreal. He told me 12, and so I set about hustling on FB groups, and bothering any friends I knew who had ever written anything in the hopes that the class could go forward.
While there was initially a good deal of self interest in my endeavour - I long had been looking for formal collaborations with composers and this seemed to be an ideal set up – I also had an inkling that there were writing voices in our unique province within Canada that were waiting to be heard.
I was right.
Those voices came forward and formed a lovely class, masterfully mentored by Jonathan Monro, that met bi-weekly from Oct to April, collaborating on various song forms within the musical theatre genre, and culminating in the writing of a 10 minute musical in pairs. Sunday evening featured a selection from our work throughout the year, performed with aplomb by Michael Daniel Murphy, Justin Eddy, Katee Julien, Sara Wunsch, yours truly, and Marie-Pierre de Brienne. My special thanks to Marie-Pierre for singing my song here below, written with Cynthia Chalifour.
The work was varied and interesting - we sang about umbrellas, demons, kittens, tea, and avocados, just to name a few subjects – and the atmosphere in the room was attentive and joyous.
As creators, it was rewarding to see our work brought to life in front of an audience – an audience that filled the Arts Lounge at the Segal Centre, I might add – and the audience seemed to respond to this newness.
As I watched and participated in the congratulatory buzz following the performance, feeling immense pride in my classmates’ talent and work, it occurred to me that it made perfect sense for me personally to have this event be part of Mother’s Day: I had carried a dream to term, helped push it into the world, and now it was breathing on its own.
“...blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord." And Mary said, "My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has regarded the low estate of his handmaiden.” Luke 1:45-48
I had originally planned to go dancing tonight but age - no, rather, maturity and a desire to do some professional housekeeping and reflection kept me cosy in my room, eating carrots and dip (ok, I confess I had a notable amount of dill pickle and sour cream & onion chips prior to these!) and listening to tracks from Tori Kelly’s latest album.
As I began doing a re-cap of 2018 in numbers, I thought I wouldn’t have much to show. While I have been far happier as a full time freelancer than I was in my last year or two of a desk job that stole my joy and my health, it is an existence that more often than not makes me feel as though nothing is really being built: no fortune, no fame, nothing that the world considers a marker of success.
Surprisingly, when I did count the things that could be counted, there was much more than I had remembered, and each thing I counted was more than simply a checkmark or a goal reached, but an unfolding of my person, and, I hope, the mission which has been entrusted to me by God.
So here is 2018, by the numbers:
Firsts: 13
In meticulously combing through my calendar I realized that while this felt like a quiet year (with the exception of Fame), it was in fact a year where I did many things for the first time.
As mentioned, this was my first full year as a freelancer and the work included my first time:
Cantoring at a major basilica (St Patrick’s),
dancing & working on a major American movie set (Midway),
In makeup before getting into costume
writing and preparing dramatic sketches for staff training with the Cree school board,
singing for a major corporate gig out of town
The beautiful Fairmont Le Château Montebello
being a musical guest on a TV program at Concordia
And of course, there was Fame.
I wrote a great deal on it before here and here so I won’t repeat myself but I cannot tell you just how much it meant to finally experience a life long dream. Not only was it an artistically incredible experience, but it was a reassurance that I hadn’t been foolish in pursuing performance in the first place, that I could not only handle a lead role in a large scale professional musical (and finally be paid - this was only the 2nd time!) but that I could do it with almost no preparation time and be trusted to step into some very large shoes (Marie-Denise might say that large shoes were part of the problem: je continue a lui souhaiter la guérison et l’amour!)
Daniel Ouimet was kind enough to give me an honourable mention in writing up his musical theatre "coups de coeur" for 2018, with Fame being named as best French musical, and castmates Jordan Donoghue and Marie-Denise Pelletier recognized as revelation of the year and best female actor, respectively, and a nod to Serge Postigo as well, as director.
Check out Marie-Denise's tour dates here on her website!
At this point, I am trying to figure out how much performance will play a part in my future.
Do I keep actively pursuing auditions?
Is that the right place to put my energy?
While Fame was a major breakthrough, I, for the most part, have always seemed to experience near misses for major productions and often been the “wrong age” for everything. At 20 years old I was told I played way older than 20 and so couldn’t be considered for 19 year old Sophie in Mamma Mia. This year I was told that I looked too young to play 40 for the moms in Dear Evan Hansen. Despite not booking the job, this was my favourite audition of the year, with the longest callback I’ve ever had. The casting team worked intensely with me; I think I spent a total of two and a half hours between the two auditions. It’s exhausting to be told no so often but I do feel that I can now handle rejection with more peace because what I am after no longer feels impossible because it is something that I have never reached.
It’s important to be grateful and realistic because it is entirely possible that Fame may be the only opportunity of that kind that I will ever receive...but it couldn’t have been more perfect.
And, I’m finally a UdA member!
2018 also marked my first:
visit to a synagogue for Purim
niece (a month old today!),
first time making challah bread, cinnamon rolls and hosting Xmas dinner,
as well as first time getting accupuncture, doing a Blanket Exercise to learn about indigenous history, hosting a Christian Artists Wine & Cheese night, (a prelude to the retreat this March) and online dating: my only regret!!
Jobs: 10
(This number refers to ongoing work as opposed to individual gigs.) Amazingly, all of these jobs save three were artistically related, and the three that weren’t artistic in nature I obtained through contacts in the arts. Singing and teaching took most of my time: two church music jobs, 6 - 10 voice students over the course of the year, and a variety of funerals, weddings, private parties, corporate gigs, and subbing as a choir conductor and for children’s theatre classes.
Shows: 16
This included 3 shows on Broadway, including Hello Dolly with the legendary Bernadette Peters
Backstage at Hello Dolly with Nathan
an Andrea Bocelli concert,
and the homegrown success of Come From Away in Toronto, a gift from my parents.
The other things that can’t be so easily categorized but deserve a mention are: the scene study classes I attended through the Centaur, the How to Succeed in Music Theatre Conference in Toronto held by the CMTWC,
the inaugural Musical Theatre Writers’ Workshop class in Montreal that I helped organize (also through CMTWC and taught by Jonathan Monro), within which I've written lyrics for two new songs with Graham Isaak and Sara Wunsch; a record number of duets/collaborations for gigs and Broadway Cafe, a trip to DC to see my goddaughter, being asked to be godmother for a second time, and guest lecturing at McGill for the Intro to Catholicism class again.
Most important of all, though, is this : it is well with my soul.
I am being built.
At the end of my life, it will be me facing God, and He will not care about my CV or my bank account or my stats, only my heart.
Someone tell me, when is it my turn?
It was one of those calls you hear happens in show business. The kind you hope for but also can’t really imagine might actually happen to you. But then, miraculously, it does, and suddenly, you are living a dream you thought might remain only a dream.
Last Tuesday night, I was up at a late hour, as per usual, viewing multiple interviews with Liza Minnelli about her mother, Judy Garland. Before turning in, the very last video I watched was a performance of Rose’s Turn by Bernadette Peters at the 2003 Tony Awards.
The song had come up in discussion with friend Michael Cooper as one that should be on my list, and I had just had the blessing of seeing Bernadette in person in Hello Dolly the week before, on Broadway; she was, of course, wonderful. (Many thanks to dear friend Nathan Madden, who covers various roles in the show, who took me backstage while I was there!)
I got my answer to the song’s question the following morning at 9 am in the form of a text and then phone call from Serge Postigo, director of the Just For Laugh’s Theatricals french production of Fame. He wasted no time in painting the picture for me, that Marie-Denise Pelletier, the actress playing Ms Sherman - a role I had auditioned for the previous year - had injured herself and was not able to continue the run. Would I be willing to learn the show and perform in it the next day?
It was probably the quickest yes I ever gave.
Starting here, starting now
Following the yes was a flurry of calls and emails: the script, the music, videos of the show, cuts since the music wouldn’t be in right away. The costume designer kindly came to my apt to take my measurements. I crammed the lines into my head as much as possible - thankfully, one of the scenes permitted/called for a clipboard, which allowed me a reference for some lines - wrote down the stage directions and in the evening was at the theatre, meeting the team and the cast to rehearse for about 5 hours. The next morning, the stage manager came to my apartment to run lines, and then we went to the theatre to rehearse again before going into performance at 19h30.
You either got it, or you ain't
And...I DID IT. People ask me how. The answer: the grace of God and an amazing team. This cast and crew is friendly and incredibly supportive - not to mention talented! - doing everything from buying me orange juice & protein bars, to running lines, showing me how to do my makeup, and guiding me around the stage for the dance party of a curtain call.
Amazingly, I had far fewer nerves than I’ve had in the past several years for performances that were far more prepared. I suppose it was because I didn’t allow myself time to be nervous. I had no choice but to deliver and any energy that wasn’t going strictly into preparation was going to make what was a steep climb impossible. I also managed to get through 6 performances before fatigue set in; I slept until 4:30 pm on the first dark day we had, this past Monday!
Hold your hats and hallelujah
Some of you know the story of my past year which has been full of many challenges. I’ll spare the details in this post but after I accepted my first audition date for Fame in late Aug 2017, I cried. I had recently been to the hospital. I didn’t even know if I would be able to make it to the audition venue without a headache, fainting, or throwing up. I didn’t know if I would be able to sing at all - or even stand in heels long enough to do so. I think I said an entire Rosary while waiting to go in front of the panel that day. It was a miracle to get through it.
The timing of this is also incredible, given that my plans were to be either in NYC or DC last weekend, or originally, in France, all of which were shifted for various circumstances. My schedule was fairly open as I had decided at the beginning of this year that I would no longer sing without being paid. See my post on that here: https://alisharuiss.com/on-not-doing-a-show/
I’m sure that my ability to say yes, and trust that it would work out, is a result of the peace and trust God has built into me over the past year. Fittingly, the solo song I sing in the show is a prayer of thanks...a song I am still learning, both in life and for this show.
I’m so grateful for this experience, and will be praying for Marie Denise Pelletier’s quick healing!
For tickets to Fame: https://www.hahaha.com/fr/show/fame-la-comedie-musicale
